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Captain Marryat: Easthupp

As Jack grew older he began to have his doubts of the natural equalities. For one thing the ship's boatswain, Mr. Biggs, was getting on his nerves; likewise Easthupp, the purser's steward, forever insisting that a gentleman should be treated as a gentleman. Having been a London pickpocket before entering his Majesty's Service, he was probably over-sensitive.

One day, after what Mr. Easthupp termed "hinvidious" remarks had been passed all around, Jack challenged Easthupp and Biggs to a duel, adding that he would fight them both or none, and at the same time. The arrangements were intrusted to Mr. Tallboys the gunner, a man of most exact mind. "Both or none, and at the same time--what did that mean exactly?" "Ah, of course! Three combatants, three positions." Mr. Tallboys got out his Art of Gunnery, and drawing an equilateral triangle of twelve paces on a side, he said: "Each principal will take a corner. By this method each party will get in his shot and be at the same time shot at by another party. A fair proceeding all around, you see."

The arrangement pleased Jack mightily. Mr. Biggs, after a while, also agreed. "Shot for shot, I dare say it's all right," admitted Biggs. Nobody cared what Easthupp thought--he was stood on his corner. The question came up as to who was to fire at whom. "As sailors," explained Mr. Tallboys, "you should of course fire with the sun. That is, Mr. Easy will fire at Mr. Biggs, who will fire at Mr. Easthupp, who will fire at Mr. Easy. And now, if you please, take stations. Cock your locks! Take good aim! Fire! Stop your vents! Very well done."

Where Easthupp's bullet went nobody could say, probably into the ground. Jack's passed through both of Mr. Bigg's cheek. "A pretty business!" sputtered Mr. Biggs. "How am I to pipe to dinner with my wind escaping through these holes in my cheeks?"

The boatswain's bullet had caught Mr. Easthupp in a tender rear spot, which caused that gentleman to roar so loudly that every one said he must be dead, or dying at least. Jack was scared, or pretended to be. He wrote a note to Captain Wilson, saying he feared he had killed Mr. Easthupp, and so he would stay ashore for a time to see what came of it.

This happened in Malta. With Midshipman Gascoigne, his second, carrying a pair of dueling pistols, Jack sailed on a speronare with a crew of four men and a boy to Italy. During the night the crew, having seen too many of Jack's doubloons, tried to kill the lads; but the lads killed them instead--all but the boy, who providentially fell overboard and was drowned. A storm overtook their little craft and threw her high up on the shore of Sicily. While looking about them, they saw an elderly and a young lady beset by two robbers with long swords. An old gentleman was lying unconscious on the ground. Jack and Gascoigne drove off the villains. The old gentleman turned out to be a Don Ribiera de Silva, the lady to be Donna Clara, his wife, and the brunette young beauty, Donna Agnes, their daughter. On a second look at Donna Agnes, Jack knew her for the young lady passenger of his prize ship. At the home of Don Ribiera, where the lads were later made welcome, he fell deeply in love with her.

Easthupp did not die; and the boys returned to their ship, where their captain read them a fine lecture on discipline and conduct, and conduct, and the value of a regular study to develop their minds. Jack at once began the study of Italian.

His general conduct in the next two years was such as to promise an early promotion; but one day there came a letter from home informing him that his mother had died, and also that if his father was not mad he soon would be. Jack went home on leave, and there found his father working on a mechanical invention which was to rectify the mistakes of nature--to preserve to the human species the finer organs and destroy the baser. While demonstrating this invention the poor man had his neck broken.

A midshipman with eight thousand pounds a year was an anomaly in the service. Jack secured his discharge, the better to look after his estates. But as time went on her found himself thinking of Donna Agnes; so much so that one day he purchased a fast little armed brig, named her the Ribiera, procured letters of marque, and sailed for Italy. Here Agnes became his excellent and affectionate wife; eventually, in England, she became the mother of four children. Having given up the sea and his early theories about the equalities, Jack stood for Parliament on the Conservative ticket and was elected; and all without too much expense, which was remarkable.